


You're Pitiful

by Saryah



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Inspired by Music, M/M, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saryah/pseuds/Saryah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Red Team goes to a karaoke bar. Why? Well just because I said so. :D Also Lopez didn't want to come.<br/>Song is You're Pitiful by Weird Al.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Pitiful

The MC got up to announce the next performer.  
  
"And next up we have Dexter Grif! Give him a hand folks!" Grif stumbled toward the stage, beer in hand. Simmons and Donut, seated at the bar, looked on dumbfounded.  
  
"Wow, Simmons, I didn't know Grif could sing!"  
  
"That's because he most likely can't. He'll probably end up embarrassing himself and then drop out halfway through."  
  
"Hey, that's exactly what Grif told me just before, about his high school years!"  
  
Simmons smirked, glad he was sober enough to remember this for ammunition later on.  
  
Grif clambered onto the stage, and grabbed a microphone.  
  
"So Dex, whaddya gonna sing for us tonight?" the MC asked, as he cued up Grif requested track.  
  
"Well I'd like to dedicate this song, to a friend of mine.."  
  
Simmons silently prayed.  _Not me, not me, not me, PLEASE not me.._.  
  
"...Dick Simmons, whose sitting just over there!" Grif waved at Simmons.  
  
Simmons flushed a colour rivaling the usual hue of his armour. He hunched over on his stool trying, unsuccessfully, to be unnoticed by the other patrons.  
  
The song began to play its introduction and Donut squealed, seeming to recognise the song.  
  
"Simmons! Do you kow what this is?"  
  
Simmons puzzled look told Donut he did not.  
  
"It's 'You're Beautiful' by James Blunt!"  
  
Having being told the name, Simmons eyes widened. He HAD heard the song a few times before when Donut hi-jacked Red Base's stereo to play his music. But why would Grif be singing it? And for him?  
  
While Simmons sat at the bar being perplexed, the introduction had finally ended and the lyrics began.  
  
"My life is brilliant, yours is a joke" Grif sang.  
  
"Waitaminute.." Donut whispered to Simmons "Those aren't the right words!"  
  
"Maybe it's a parody?" Simmons suggested, slightly relieved that Grif  _wasn't_  singing "You're Beautiful", but at the same time a little wistful too.  
  
On stage, Grif continued his performance.  
  
"Your homemade Star Trek uniform really ain't impressin' me. You're sufferin' from delusions of adequacy."  
  
Simmons felt a little miffed at that, and how on  _earth_  did Grif find his hiding spot for his uniform??  
  
"You're pitiful, you're pitiful, you're pitiful, it's true."  
  
"Never had a date, that you couldn't inflate.."  
  
Now Simmons was getting mad, Grif was deliberately paying him out in front of everyone.  _Well.._  he thought,  _two can play at that game_.  
  
He got up from his stool and jumped up onto the small stage and wrestled the mic from Grif who just giggled and took another swig of his beer, swaying slightly.  
  
Simmons glanced over at the words on the screen preparing to dish it back to Grif.  
  
"Well ya just can't dance, and forget romance. Everybody you still calls ya farty pants."  
  
Donut wolf whistled, and Simmons blushed again. Apparently he wasn't too bad at singing, and the MC didn't seem to mind the change of singers.  
  
"But you always have a job well I mean, as long as you can still work that slurpy machine."  
  
"You're pitiful, you're pitiful, you're pitiful, it's true."  
  
Simmons read the next lines and had to stop himself from chuckling.  _Now **that**  fits Grif to a T_.  
  
"You're half undressed, eatin' chips off your chest, while you're playin' Halo 2. No one's classier than you."  
  
At the mention of one of his favourite games Grif glared at Simmons. It appeared that he had decided that he wasn't going to be the insultee any longer.  
  
As they fought for dominance over the microphone, they sang the bridge and chorus together.  
  
"Lalala la, lalala la, lalala la, loooooserrrrr... You're pitiful, you're pitiful, you're pitiful, it's true."  
  
Finally Grif managed to regain control and sang the rest of the song solo. However, at this moment Sarge re-emerged from the bathroom, where he had been just before the fiasco  
  
had started.  
  
"Your dog would much rather play fetch by itself."  
  
Grif looked over and noticed Sarge just as he sang the next line.  
  
"You still live with your Mom and you're 42!"  
  
 **"NEGATIVE FIRST CLASS PRIVATE GRIF! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?!"**  
  
Grif gaped at Sarge, dropped the mic and took off, with his C.O. in close pursuit.  
  
As the sounds of southern accented threats faded away, Donut turned to Simmons, who had made his way back to his seat.  
  
"Wasn't that nice of Grif to sing a song for you!"  
  
Simmons grinned at the thought of the entertainment Grif had actually ended up providing for the night.  
  
"Yeah, I guess it was, Donut."


End file.
